Notes on a Dharma Talk by Sr. Thuan Khanh: Self-Care in Times of Grief

“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

When we cannot care for ourselves, we cannot care for our loved ones. To first take care of ourselves, we must come back to who we are. We can mindfully return to our bodies, environments, and relationships, over and again. We depend on these elements to be.

Sometimes as we cope with our grief, our suffering overwhelms us. We may avoid experiencing any feelings of uncertainty, fear, and sorrow. Instead of opening ourselves up to what is happening, we harden our hearts instead.

We can take small steps to heal from our losses. Walking in nature, eating healthy foods, meditating, and so on, are some actions that can nourish us.

We can bring our minds back to our in-breath and our out-breath. Our breath doesn’t need to be forced. We can find presence from walking, talking, sitting, laying, eating, washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, going to the bathroom, listening to the rainfall.

We can be with what we are doing in each moment. Our breath is like the root of a tree, even while the branches are shaking. No matter what we are feeling, we can return to our stability.

Whenever we are feeling distressed, we can stop and consciously breathe. When we are no longer hiding from our fear and sorrow, uncertainty and doubt, we can look at our true nature. Then we can learn to accept what is.

As we wake up each morning, we can smile, and give thanks that we are alive another day. We can wish all beings happiness, health, and peace. As a lotus grows from the mud, our compassion opens up when we are aware of our suffering.

When we nourish ourselves daily, when we live peacefully, we can offer our peace to our loved ones. Each of our steps on this earth is a continuation of our ancestors, descendants, and communities. We depend on the lives of others just as the lives of others depend on us. We cannot be without the trees, the sun, the rain, the sky. We’re not separate egos in bags of flesh.

Breathing in, we are solid.

We are with all things.

Breathing out, we are at home.

We are with all things.

Our healing begins now, not only for ourselves, but for all beings.