Loving-Kindness in Each Moment

Mettā is loving-kindness.

When we have mettā, we’re kind, respectful, compassionate, gentle, loving, and caring. We want to express our unconditional goodwill. Our minds — bodies come together as friends. We’re accepting rather than judgmental, tender rather than harsh, forgiving rather than punishing.

Thich Nhat Hanh, peace activist and founder of the Plum Village Tradition in Zen Buddhism, wrote that “Mettā meditation is a practice of cultivating understanding, love, and compassion by looking deeply, first for ourselves and then for others.”

When we can heal ourselves, then we can heal the world.

Ajahn Brahm, Theravadin monk and Abbot of the Bodhinyana Monastery in Australia, wrote in Bear Awareness, “If you have loving-kindness toward other people, they’re no longer a problem. With loving-kindness toward yourself, you’re no longer a problem to yourself. And when you have loving-kindness toward every moment, beautiful mettā to this moment, you’re on the highway to enlightenment. The path becomes so easy.”

We can open our hearts to every moment. Even when we make a mistake, yawn with tiredness, forget to accomplish a task, lose our patience with someone close to us, or dread an upcoming event, we can be compassionate toward ourselves.

Every experience can teach us to look deeply within.

“Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment. This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath. Every moment is the guru.” (Beck, Joko)

When we silently repeat our phrases of loving-kindness, we are cultivating our mettā. We’re watering the seeds of peace, love, and non-duality, rather than the seeds of violence, hatred, and discrimination.

“May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be at peace” are a few common sentences that we can speak for our loving-kindness meditation. We can even say “Love… [pause] Peace… [pause] Joy… [pause]” or whatever words touch our hearts. In the spaces between every word, we can connect.

“The words just light the match that ignites the mettā. The feelings that come after the words, that’s mettā.” (Brahm, Ajahn)

At the beginning of our practice, words will point our minds toward mettā.

After enough practice, we will no longer need to use our words anymore.

“This is how we practice loving-kindness. We use the words to generate an emotion, and when that emotion is strong, we turn toward the emotion and let go of the words. The words have done their job. If you wish, you can visualize it like a golden light in your heart.” (Brahm, Ajahn)

No matter how we meditate, whether we’re walking on a path in the forest, sitting on a soft cushion, or driving down the freeway after work, we can be kind, we can be present, we can be compassionate. As we breathe in and out, as we settle into stillness, we become more aware of what passes. The moment doesn’t need to be any different than it is.

As we watch our feelings, thoughts, and sensations, they will come and go.

Letting them go is an act of mettā.

“Make peace, be kind, be gentle — that’s all you need to do. When the mind is restless, make peace, be kind, be gentle. That’s a goal you can always achieve. If you can’t make the mind still or let go of the thoughts or get rid of the tiredness, you can always make peace with it. You can always be kind, you can always be gentle — that’s within your power no matter what’s happening. And that’s all you need to do. Peace will follow along, and the joy of kindness and the beautiful equanimity of gentleness will be with you.” (Brahm, Ajahn)

We often get so caught up in our views, in our expectations for how our lives should be, that we suffer needlessly. It’s not necessary for us to prove that we’re tough meditators, sitting in cramped positions, unmoved for hours, gritting our teeth.

We don’t need to force our minds to concentrate.

We don’t need to achieve any special state either.

It’s far better for us to be kind and gentle.

We can be happy with who we are in each moment. We don’t have to look outside ourselves for peace. We often imagine that we’ll finally be content after we meet our soul mate, write a best-selling book, land a lucrative job, raise a family, get rich on the stock market, but after our goals are done, we will only return to ourselves, again and again, until we seek the next big thing.

There will always be more that we want, more that we can’t have, more that we don’t want to lose, more that we have already lost. We might believe that one day, we will be happy and peaceful and loving, but not yet. Not until we have achieved X or have become Y. The time of our happiness will always be an idea in the future. It will forever be outside our reach.

What we don’t realize is already within us.

If we want to find peace, we have to be peace. If we want to find love, we have to be love.

It begins with us now.

“Root out the violence in your life, and learn to live compassionately and mindfully. Seek peace. When you have peace within, real peace with others is possible… If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can smile and blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace.” (Hanh, Thich Nhat)